Into The World
by TaraGeek
Summary: Blaine's life had so many good things in it, security, friends, love but there were some things that remained unspoken of. Contains transgender themes. Don't like don't read.
1. Chapter 1

Blaine Anderson was out and proud, a shining example of how far things had come for queer youth. Sure, living in Ohio in the early twenty first century wasn't exactly peachy for a 17 year old gay guy. But, even though plenty of struggles remained he could, with his boyfriend and the hand full of out queer kids in Lima, proudly proclaim his life and look people in the eye. Singing duets with Kurt or leading Michael Jackson's "Wanna be startin' somethin'" through the halls of McKinley High… except that's not all there was beneath the cool, queer, ratpackish exterior that Blaine faced the world with. Down underneath it all there lay a complication, something that if raised with family, with friends, even with a boyfriend, could bring the world crumbling down.

Blaine wanted to be, needed to be…. maybe even was… a girl. Transgender, specifically Transsexual, though for some reason the first word sat more comfortably with her. Nobody knew, and the older she got the more she grew into her body, and the more obvious it seemed to everyone around her that Blaine Anderson was a boy, a brave, cool, queer, young man. She wanted so much to lift off the weight of the meanings her body dumped on her, and how it made her feel. Being female was more than a certain body type but never the less she wanted her body to feel like it was hers. No facial hair or chest hair that seemed to thicken every day, she wished she could rip out the bony ridge on her forehead that that felt heavier day by day, that she was increasingly obsessed with checking for size and growth in the mirror every morning. All of this was hidden well – very well – but Blaine didn't know if she could hide much longer. People did come out as trans, and they did transition. She'd seen it.

The world before YouTube must have been a very lonely one for trans kids. A time before earnestly made vlogs connecting people across distances that seemed impossible, and situations even more so. She knew that it could happen, but those few words eluded her when it came to family and friends. Those words would break what people expected, they could shatter the understandings, deals, and alliances that made up her life.

Blaine was shaking as she held the score and lyrics for the song she was about to sing to Kurt. It was unusual to have them written down before her, since she didn't normally need any prompt, but this time the added security was a comfort she'd gladly embrace.

Everyone else had left, and it was just the two of them in the practice room. Music was what they did, and it was the most honest way she could communicate this thing, even though it might have been, might have to have been the last thing they shared as a couple.

The song was "Guy Named Joe" by the folk group Coyote Grace, and the original singer was a trans guy. Blaine had awkwardly shifted some wording around to re-frame the song with a trans female protagonist. "Girl Named Jo" might not have scanned as nicely, but it give her the strength to do this.

Kurt knew something was up, he looked at her with concern and confusion written over his face. With a shaky voice, Blaine spoke. "I asked you if we could stay behind because there's something I need to say."

She fixed her eyes on Kurt.

"And this is the only way I know how" She added in a hurry. If she didn't to do this quickly she could would wimp out. Taking Kurt by the shoulders she gently sat him down. Then turned round, picking up the guitar she had laid out ready, her only accompaniment for the song. She took a breath to steady herself before starting. Trying to impart feeling with sheer force of will because it was so important to get this right.

"Kurt , I love you… Just please know that, don't doubt it"

Kurt opened his mouth to speak, only to be cut off. The folksy guitar was unusual. It wasn't Blaine's normal kind of thing, a far cry from Katy Perry or Pink, and Blaine's voice quivered along the way, tears welling up in her eyes and escaping down her cheeks as she sang.

Blaine faded the lilting guitar away as softly as she began, and remained in the centre of the practice room. She carefully placed the instrument on the ground, the lyric sheet now becoming a crumpled sweaty security blanket in her hands. She forced herself to look up at Kurt, through wet eyes and a shaking body. He knew that something of great importance had just been said, and the concern and confusion from earlier had been joined by fear.

"Blaine… what ?" He fumbled for words as he stood up and crossed the distance between the two of them cupping Blaine's cheek in his hand. "Baby… I…?"

It was at this point that surrounded by thick emotion and by the boy she loved Blaine simply and finally said. "Kurt… I'm Trans"

It was out in the world now and she knew that later there would be so much more to add.


	2. Chapter 2

Blaine had just said it. She had just told her Boyfriend Kurt that she was Trans. It was the first time she has ever openly said anything about this to anyone not on the other end of an internet connection. This was completely new territory, she was clueless as to what might happen next, only knowing that she could feel her heart beating faster than it ever had, and that every breath seemed to escape her chest in a shaky burst that reverberated through her whole body. She kept her eyes locked onto Kurt's waiting and searching to find out her fate.

Kurt's eyes searched her face. He was silent for what seems like an age, his mouth struggling to produce words, and clearly at a loss for what this admission should bring out of him.

"Blaine, baby... what do you mean... you're… I" Kurt stumbled for words, his eyes searching Blaine, he looked at his Boyfriend standing in the middle of the practice room, clearly terrified and with a crumpled sheet of lyrics in his hands. "What?"

Blaine's heart beat so fast it felt like it could burst. She took a breath then threw out more - clarification of what she has just said, the tide of long kept feelings that were no longer just inside of her, but out in the world, bursting from behind a psychological dam. She was still terrified, but bravery seemed to take her over.

"Kurt, I'm a girl." She spoke fast, almost dizzy as her world span "I can't just carry on like I have before" Grasping for further explanation than words would bring, she took Kurt's hands. "You know me. I love you Kurt , I do. I just have to do something about this... I have to"

Kurt's eyes were wide, his mouth open, his head shaking slightly from side to side as he began to speak. "But you're a boy, Blaine. You're my _**boy**_friend I _**do**_ know who you are and I love you! You're not even that femme! This is like some terrible joke! It doesn't make sense!" Kurt's expression intensified as tears begin to well up in his eyes too.

"Kurt that doesn't make any difference. I love a lot of the things in my life, but the things I do and being female doesn't necessarily have anything to do with how butch or femme I am." Blaine paused looking deep into Kurt very aware that her words were coming out like some kind public service announcement, but this wasn't just anyone she was coming out to. This had to be more than just a Trans 101. This was Kurt and she needed him to _**get**_ her, what she is _**and**_ who she is. "I'm just female, it's just in me, it's what I am."

They stood silent for a momment looking down at her Boyfriends familiar hands holding her's so tightly Blaine's heart began to calm, still fast, but steadying. The rush of adrenaline remained, but diffused from its initial high. She spun around breaking contact with Kurt, his arms following on after her empty as she sat, rubbing her temples, dragging the pressure out along her eyes, taking a long breath then looking up.

"Kurt I have to transition. I can't let what's happening to my body carry on. I can't hide this inside myself anymore." She looked him intently in the eyes, her tears dry now. A steady calmness settled over her. "I want you to know before anybody else, you deserve to. If there's anyone in the world I could tell first, it had to be you. It's OK if you don't understand, but please… just don't hate me, OK?"

It took that to move Kurt from his spot in the middle of the room to sitting down next to her, a hand gently placed over her knee. "Blaine, I don't understand, I really don't. I'm not even sure how I feel about transgender people, about the idea of it."

At that Blaine felt cold fear and tension begin to rise up inside her, but before she could speak Kurt cut her off.

"I don't know if I'm ok with this and I'm scared by it. But…" He placed an arm around Blaine's shoulder and took her hand in his again. "But I'm here, I believe you, and I trust you more than anyone one else in the world. I'm going to have more questions."

Then moving to cup her face in his hands placing a kiss on her forehead he promised. "But I'm here"

Blaine breathed him in, the best smell in the world and nestled her head against his neck. Things weren't settled, the future was still scary and uncertain, as was their relationship, what this might inevitably mean for them. But she knew. She knew that she wasn't alone.

"Thank you" she whispered into him. It's a simple phrase that at this moment had a thousand new meanings. The future have might been uncertain but it was there, waiting for her.


End file.
